I cried this morning...and still cry thinking about him; about his last thoughts, his last hours. He was 93, but now he's gone. He had been a veteran of WW II; fought for the freedom of his countrymen. Ninety-three was the same age my Mom was when she died just 3 months ago, so I liken him to her in some respects. They probably had about the same amount of money, which was next to nothing. They were both independent characters--you could tell--but that may be where the similarities ended. Mom died peacefully in her sleep, in a bed, in a warm room. Mr. Schur was found dead on his bedroom floor, wearing a winter jacket over four layers of clothing. He froze to death days after the electric company out in Michigan, installed a power-limiting device due to unpaid bills more than $1,000.
The tiny little article on the front page of my newspaper ended by saying his death "has led to outrage, soul-searching and resolve never to let something like this happen again." The tragedy is that it happened even once! And how many other times has it happened that do not reach the news? And, whatever the size of his community, were there not a thousand people who would not be willing to give just ONE DOLLAR if it meant this man would not die is such a degrading, horribly inhumane way?
I wonder who it was that was sent to his house to install that device? Did that person just do the job assigned to him or her, or did the person take the time to knock on Mr. Schur's door to find out more about the situation?
Where I used to work, very soon after starting in their employ, one of the doctors I worked for, who had a strong reputation for reaming out those who worked for her, gave me a hard time for exhibiting compassion when a patient called. You can't spend time on the phone with them, I was told harshly. No other lines were ringing at the time, nor was anyone standing awaiting my attention, so I was confused as to WHY an extra few minutes of compassionate conversation was being chastised.
There were many times that I chose to fill out forms, compose letters, make phone calls to electric companies or other utilities, on behalf of patients who had to literally choose between paying their bill or purchasing necessary medicine to, in some cases, remain ALIVE! Even as I write this, my breathing is restrained just at the THOUGHT of them having to make such a decision! It IS, as this little news article points out: an OUTRAGE! The outrage is that someone was "just doing [my] job" and apparently felt no responsibility to take the next step. SOME thing! ANY thing! Go to their boss to get an extension; call a local church for assistance; see if a neighbor could help in any way. SOME thing!
My utility companies have programs that offer the option to pay more money in addition to what I owe, to help others who have trouble paying their bill. I also know that for that one doctor that seemed heartless several years ago, I had the good fortune to observe countless others at the same facility who were filled with compassion and dedication to their patients. Aside from physicians and electric company employees (who are just doing their job, nothing more, nothing less), it does make me, even hundreds of miles away from this poor, departed soul, search my own heart as to ask the same question that was posed by an expert of law, to Jesus (Luke 10:29): "who is my neighbor?"
There is NO JOY in reading about Mr. Schur, bundled in layers of clothing, dying on his bedroom floor, in the cold winter of Bay City, Michigan. It is an atrocity that now leaves me not only in tears, but without words.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Growing Pains
On the night table next to my bed is a little framed photo of my "kidlets" when they were about 10 and 12 1/2, sprucing up in front of the foyer mirror before leaving for church. it is many times the first thing i see when i open my eyes in the morning, and i'm completely struck with awe almost every time, at just how fast the years have sped by since that photo was taken. the son of my daughter is now the same age that she was in this precious photo! my mind simply has great difficulty registering that fact.
i remember when they were tiny babes and i SO loved holding them in my lap and cuddling them with JOY unspeakable! i remember the pangs when they soon struggled to be free from my embrace and preferred walking (then soon running) around, running to my arms only when they needed comfort. i remember when i'd watch them play outside as i had a difficult time walking away from the window, as if by keeping them in my sight, they were still metaphorically and emotionally in my lap. oh, and the separation i felt when they spent their entire day in school, under the guidance of others, who i just knew couldn't possibly care for them, love them and teach them, as i did. then off to college, off into the world, off to living their lives...it was all so right, and followed the pattern intended.
i was the one, as mother who LOVED mothering as i do, who experienced the growing pains. yet with each pain, there was also the JOY of knowing it was as it was meant to be. suppose they still were cuddled in my lap, clinging to me with no ambition to walk on their own? suppose they had no schooling? what if they never stepped out on their own, following their pursuits in life, living their hopes and dreams, demonstrating their talents, finding their own JOY in life? then, the growing part would be removed and only the pain part would remain. growth is a natural process, a spiritual process; it is good even when sometimes it hurts. the tears it sometimes brings are just outpourings of overwhelming, overflowing love in our heart. they are good tears, cleansing tears, tears of JOY at the wonder and speed of growth.
so, this morning, as my eyes opened and settled on that favorite photo of my "little ones" i just re-JOY-ced at how thankful i am to have held them in my lap then and now in my heart, as i celebrate the JOY of their growth and my being their mother and a grandmother. it only took 9 short months to become a mother; the JOY it has brought me lasts infinitely and eternally. why wait til May to celebrate? as we always say, "EVery day is mother's day!"
i remember when they were tiny babes and i SO loved holding them in my lap and cuddling them with JOY unspeakable! i remember the pangs when they soon struggled to be free from my embrace and preferred walking (then soon running) around, running to my arms only when they needed comfort. i remember when i'd watch them play outside as i had a difficult time walking away from the window, as if by keeping them in my sight, they were still metaphorically and emotionally in my lap. oh, and the separation i felt when they spent their entire day in school, under the guidance of others, who i just knew couldn't possibly care for them, love them and teach them, as i did. then off to college, off into the world, off to living their lives...it was all so right, and followed the pattern intended.
i was the one, as mother who LOVED mothering as i do, who experienced the growing pains. yet with each pain, there was also the JOY of knowing it was as it was meant to be. suppose they still were cuddled in my lap, clinging to me with no ambition to walk on their own? suppose they had no schooling? what if they never stepped out on their own, following their pursuits in life, living their hopes and dreams, demonstrating their talents, finding their own JOY in life? then, the growing part would be removed and only the pain part would remain. growth is a natural process, a spiritual process; it is good even when sometimes it hurts. the tears it sometimes brings are just outpourings of overwhelming, overflowing love in our heart. they are good tears, cleansing tears, tears of JOY at the wonder and speed of growth.
so, this morning, as my eyes opened and settled on that favorite photo of my "little ones" i just re-JOY-ced at how thankful i am to have held them in my lap then and now in my heart, as i celebrate the JOY of their growth and my being their mother and a grandmother. it only took 9 short months to become a mother; the JOY it has brought me lasts infinitely and eternally. why wait til May to celebrate? as we always say, "EVery day is mother's day!"
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Scrapbooks
Wednesday is my typical DWIW-day, another privilege and opportunity in my relifement for which i am most thankful. (Do Whatever I Want-day, pronounced: dwewday) i typically don't plan them; i just let them take their own course. this dwewday, today, i spent ever so gently turning the pages of 2 old scrapbooks i recently found in my attic. the oldest of the two will soon be 55 years old! needless to say, the pages, once manilla colored, are now quite browned and brittle. i, in retrospect, have fared much better, being neither.
i put together this scrapbook when i was 12 years old to hold well over a hundred cards and lettters that were sent to me while i was hospitalized with a serious illness. i was in the 6th grade at the time and was informed much, much later that i was given one chance in ten of coming out of the hospital alive. well, thanks be to GOD, i took that one chance and praise Him for seeing me through.
Some of the long letters from my brother, who's handwriting i might add, still looks similar, are really precious. he now lives 3,000 miles from me, yet we are just as close in spirit as we were when growing up...another thing for which i'm extremely thankful. my sisters at the time were too young to write but there were numerous little cards from them, signed in my mother's handwriting.
one really neat paper, folded and inserted in the front of the scrapbook is a rather large piece of brown butcher paper (and if you are old enough to remember that kind of paper, you don't have to admit it to me). it is signed in various youthful handwriting by all my 6th grade classmates from my elementary school. The expressions were all somewhat similar as far as get well soon, we miss you, hurry back to school, but the really astounding thing that hit me as i read every note this morning, was how amazingly clear my mind flashed a mental picture of just about every single student! i could see their little 12 year old faces almost as clearly as if they were standing in front of me. isn't it incredible how just the spark of reading their notes and names, my mind knew exactly who wrote those words?!
another really neat thing was that there were several beautifully handwritten or printed letters from, not only the teacher whose 6th grade class i was missing, but also from my first and second grade teachers of the same school. i thought that was rather amazing! then too, cards and letters from members and pastor of both my former church as well as the church i was then a member of, and also from the choir director. (a lot of people prayed for my recovery.) i even got cards and letters from the mothers of my friends and the owner of the corner candy store!
the other thing that struck me was the designs and shapes of the cards that many long years ago. they were elaborate, colorful, and most of them die-cut into various shapes, and folded quite uniquely. there were even several that had little pull-out sections, or a tiny card inserted into the main card. many had extravagant fold-out sections that popped up when the card was opened! nice cards today are very, very expensive, and pretty standard. if you do find a more elaborate one (in a card store as opposed to drug store for instance) you pay quite a pretty penny for it.
i think with the advent of email and ecards, personal handwritten letters and card-sending is almost a lost art. granted, 42 cents to send snail-mail is a lot more than the 3 cents that was posted on the wishes i reviewed today, sent so long ago. but, c'mon, tell the truth: when you receive your daily mail, isn't the very first thing you open, as you set aside the junk-mail and bills, an envelope that is handwritten and you know inside it contains a card, note or a letter from a dear family member or close friend?
the second old scrapbook i enjoyed looking through this morning---well, more on that later. i have some cards and letters to go write just now! i recently even got a new fountain pen that i'll use; remember them?
i put together this scrapbook when i was 12 years old to hold well over a hundred cards and lettters that were sent to me while i was hospitalized with a serious illness. i was in the 6th grade at the time and was informed much, much later that i was given one chance in ten of coming out of the hospital alive. well, thanks be to GOD, i took that one chance and praise Him for seeing me through.
Some of the long letters from my brother, who's handwriting i might add, still looks similar, are really precious. he now lives 3,000 miles from me, yet we are just as close in spirit as we were when growing up...another thing for which i'm extremely thankful. my sisters at the time were too young to write but there were numerous little cards from them, signed in my mother's handwriting.
one really neat paper, folded and inserted in the front of the scrapbook is a rather large piece of brown butcher paper (and if you are old enough to remember that kind of paper, you don't have to admit it to me). it is signed in various youthful handwriting by all my 6th grade classmates from my elementary school. The expressions were all somewhat similar as far as get well soon, we miss you, hurry back to school, but the really astounding thing that hit me as i read every note this morning, was how amazingly clear my mind flashed a mental picture of just about every single student! i could see their little 12 year old faces almost as clearly as if they were standing in front of me. isn't it incredible how just the spark of reading their notes and names, my mind knew exactly who wrote those words?!
another really neat thing was that there were several beautifully handwritten or printed letters from, not only the teacher whose 6th grade class i was missing, but also from my first and second grade teachers of the same school. i thought that was rather amazing! then too, cards and letters from members and pastor of both my former church as well as the church i was then a member of, and also from the choir director. (a lot of people prayed for my recovery.) i even got cards and letters from the mothers of my friends and the owner of the corner candy store!
the other thing that struck me was the designs and shapes of the cards that many long years ago. they were elaborate, colorful, and most of them die-cut into various shapes, and folded quite uniquely. there were even several that had little pull-out sections, or a tiny card inserted into the main card. many had extravagant fold-out sections that popped up when the card was opened! nice cards today are very, very expensive, and pretty standard. if you do find a more elaborate one (in a card store as opposed to drug store for instance) you pay quite a pretty penny for it.
i think with the advent of email and ecards, personal handwritten letters and card-sending is almost a lost art. granted, 42 cents to send snail-mail is a lot more than the 3 cents that was posted on the wishes i reviewed today, sent so long ago. but, c'mon, tell the truth: when you receive your daily mail, isn't the very first thing you open, as you set aside the junk-mail and bills, an envelope that is handwritten and you know inside it contains a card, note or a letter from a dear family member or close friend?
the second old scrapbook i enjoyed looking through this morning---well, more on that later. i have some cards and letters to go write just now! i recently even got a new fountain pen that i'll use; remember them?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
True to Word
He did it; seafood manager Chuck was true to his word! i made the second trip back to the grocery store on monday and was pleased with what i saw. there was a whole freezer case filled with good looking catfish fillets! mr chuck was standing nearby speaking with another employee, so i excused myself for interrupting their conversation, and thanked him kindly for ordering the fish and wished him a great day.
i picked up a few other things while there, chatted and joked with the courteous checkout woman and left the store. i put my "green" grocery bag in the car and went BACK into the store. i waited while the people ahead of me in line at the customer service counter finished, then said to the woman behind the counter, "I'm sure you get your share of complaints." to which i'm sure she must've thought, o boy, here we go again....NOW what! "BUT," i continued, "I'm not here to complain. i'm here to give compliments." i proceeded to tell her that i appreciated that seafood manager chuck did what he said he would do, when he said he would do it, and that doesn't always happen in stores anymore, so i wanted to draw attention to it with my words of appreciation. i also told her that every checker i get has always been most pleasant and cheerful, and that it was worth my while to avoid my usual grocery store only 2 miles from my home, go 4 miles to their store, just because it is a more pleasant experience.
she smiled from ear to ear! plus, about a quarter of the way in to my compliments, she had yelled for another person to come over. "Come here, come here! we have COMPLIMENTS; we have COMPLIMENTS! we don't hear many of them, come here!" and that person too, was grateful to hear what i was saying. when i left the store, they were both smiling huge warm smiles--and so was i. it felt good to share the JOY.
i picked up a few other things while there, chatted and joked with the courteous checkout woman and left the store. i put my "green" grocery bag in the car and went BACK into the store. i waited while the people ahead of me in line at the customer service counter finished, then said to the woman behind the counter, "I'm sure you get your share of complaints." to which i'm sure she must've thought, o boy, here we go again....NOW what! "BUT," i continued, "I'm not here to complain. i'm here to give compliments." i proceeded to tell her that i appreciated that seafood manager chuck did what he said he would do, when he said he would do it, and that doesn't always happen in stores anymore, so i wanted to draw attention to it with my words of appreciation. i also told her that every checker i get has always been most pleasant and cheerful, and that it was worth my while to avoid my usual grocery store only 2 miles from my home, go 4 miles to their store, just because it is a more pleasant experience.
she smiled from ear to ear! plus, about a quarter of the way in to my compliments, she had yelled for another person to come over. "Come here, come here! we have COMPLIMENTS; we have COMPLIMENTS! we don't hear many of them, come here!" and that person too, was grateful to hear what i was saying. when i left the store, they were both smiling huge warm smiles--and so was i. it felt good to share the JOY.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Managers
My hubby and i used to joke and laugh about a sign that was posted at the little strip-mall a couple miles from home that announced: "Come in and meet your new laundromat manager."
We never did. and now i don't see the sign anymore; perhaps s/he is no longer new enough to meet. i feel somehow that i've let them down.
while grocery shopping today i actually did meet a manager--Chuck, the seafood manager. (i wonder if the laundromat manager also wears a clean, white, starched doctor's looking coat like Chuck wore, with his nametag. if ANY one should, it should be a laundromat manager, as a way of speechless advertisement of how great the washing machines work!) Chuck was very helpful. he agreed with me that the 2 bags of frozen catfish fillets just didn't look right. the fillets showing on the front of the bag looked fresh, good color. but when you turn over the bag and look at the ones underneath, they were NOT a good color, and looked all freezer-burned. he took them away (and HOPEFULLY did not return them to the case after i left), and told me he will order more for monday. the store is only about 4 miles away, and while i'm not thrilled to make a second trip, i do plan to return monday, in hopes that, now that i've met my seafood manager, he will have done what he said he would. time will tell.
today i am celebrating my ONE YEAR RELIFEMENT! TRUE JOY! since the past year has been one without me having to answer on a daily basis to managers, some of whom were quite unreasonable, it's so nice to meet a manager that responds to me, rather than vice versa.
We never did. and now i don't see the sign anymore; perhaps s/he is no longer new enough to meet. i feel somehow that i've let them down.
while grocery shopping today i actually did meet a manager--Chuck, the seafood manager. (i wonder if the laundromat manager also wears a clean, white, starched doctor's looking coat like Chuck wore, with his nametag. if ANY one should, it should be a laundromat manager, as a way of speechless advertisement of how great the washing machines work!) Chuck was very helpful. he agreed with me that the 2 bags of frozen catfish fillets just didn't look right. the fillets showing on the front of the bag looked fresh, good color. but when you turn over the bag and look at the ones underneath, they were NOT a good color, and looked all freezer-burned. he took them away (and HOPEFULLY did not return them to the case after i left), and told me he will order more for monday. the store is only about 4 miles away, and while i'm not thrilled to make a second trip, i do plan to return monday, in hopes that, now that i've met my seafood manager, he will have done what he said he would. time will tell.
today i am celebrating my ONE YEAR RELIFEMENT! TRUE JOY! since the past year has been one without me having to answer on a daily basis to managers, some of whom were quite unreasonable, it's so nice to meet a manager that responds to me, rather than vice versa.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Celebrations & Changes
The past few months have brought many celebrations: 6th grandchild's birth, vacation in California, Mom's entrance to Heaven, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversary, New Year, Daughter's 40th, to name just a few. I used to think that I didn't like change, but have discovered throughout the past 2 decades or so that changes take place regardless of whether or not we welcome them. I'm not sure that i've learned to necessarily welcome them, but at least i have learned not to fear them. that's a big step for me.
what else have i learned? well, as i come up to the one year celebration of my re-life-ment, i have learned to live in the present. i spent a couple years leading up to that important transition date, counting and re-counting the days and marking off my calendar in anticipation. i even considered (tho i never actually did) making one of those construction paper chains so that the few months leading up to my relifement, i could tear off one link at the end of the day, just so i could visually experience the closeness of it--like i used to do when my children were young and we'd anticipate just how close it was getting to Christmas.
i counted in all different patterns--which of course, suited so well the obsessive compulsive side of me. i'd count months, i'd count mondays, then eventually, days. in looking back, it has ALL gone so fast! going through the waiting however, seemed slow. but, i don't do much counting anymore; i'm thrilled to take things one day at a time. (IRONICALLY, as i type this, the song playing on my computer right NOW is: "This is the day that the Lord has made; i will rejoice and be glad in it.") I guess that pretty well sums it up!
what else have i learned? well, as i come up to the one year celebration of my re-life-ment, i have learned to live in the present. i spent a couple years leading up to that important transition date, counting and re-counting the days and marking off my calendar in anticipation. i even considered (tho i never actually did) making one of those construction paper chains so that the few months leading up to my relifement, i could tear off one link at the end of the day, just so i could visually experience the closeness of it--like i used to do when my children were young and we'd anticipate just how close it was getting to Christmas.
i counted in all different patterns--which of course, suited so well the obsessive compulsive side of me. i'd count months, i'd count mondays, then eventually, days. in looking back, it has ALL gone so fast! going through the waiting however, seemed slow. but, i don't do much counting anymore; i'm thrilled to take things one day at a time. (IRONICALLY, as i type this, the song playing on my computer right NOW is: "This is the day that the Lord has made; i will rejoice and be glad in it.") I guess that pretty well sums it up!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year Resolutions
Happy New Year! I have never been one to make traditional new year resolutions. yet, during my morning devotions today, while reading Psalm 34, i really liked the 5th verse (NLT): "those who look to the Lord for help will be radiant with JOY."
that sent me to my Strong's Concordance and discovered there are about 165 times that JOY appears in verses in the Old and New Testaments (not counting other forms, eg:joyful, enjoy, joyous, etc). that's a lot of JOY! one of my favorites is: the JOY of the Lord is my strength. that is reassuring to me: if MY JOY ebbs, the JOY of the Lord wells up and carries me through.
further in Psalm 34 the question is asked (in verse 12): "Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous?" well now! if THAT's not a great question to ponder on the first day of a new year! the answer follows in verses 13, 14: "Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it." wow!
who doesn't want to live a life that is long and prosperous!! if i go by that (and i DO believe that the Bible is the true Word of God), then my new year resolutions appear to be laid out for me:
+keep my tongue from speaking evil; +keep my lips from telling lies; +turn away from evil; +do good; +search for peace; +work to maintain peace.
sounds like my work is cut out for me.
and, at the risk of sounding like a pre-programmed contender for miss america contest: i pray too, that all countries in our world will, throughout 2009 and beyond, SEARCH FOR PEACE and WORK TO MAINTAIN IT.
with peace, comes JOY! please join me in my search, and may the Lord help us. Happy, Healthy, Prosperous, JOY full New Year to all!
that sent me to my Strong's Concordance and discovered there are about 165 times that JOY appears in verses in the Old and New Testaments (not counting other forms, eg:joyful, enjoy, joyous, etc). that's a lot of JOY! one of my favorites is: the JOY of the Lord is my strength. that is reassuring to me: if MY JOY ebbs, the JOY of the Lord wells up and carries me through.
further in Psalm 34 the question is asked (in verse 12): "Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous?" well now! if THAT's not a great question to ponder on the first day of a new year! the answer follows in verses 13, 14: "Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it." wow!
who doesn't want to live a life that is long and prosperous!! if i go by that (and i DO believe that the Bible is the true Word of God), then my new year resolutions appear to be laid out for me:
+keep my tongue from speaking evil; +keep my lips from telling lies; +turn away from evil; +do good; +search for peace; +work to maintain peace.
sounds like my work is cut out for me.
and, at the risk of sounding like a pre-programmed contender for miss america contest: i pray too, that all countries in our world will, throughout 2009 and beyond, SEARCH FOR PEACE and WORK TO MAINTAIN IT.
with peace, comes JOY! please join me in my search, and may the Lord help us. Happy, Healthy, Prosperous, JOY full New Year to all!
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